


Remember When

by porcupinegoldstein



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cancer, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Platonic Relationships, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 03:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3365876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcupinegoldstein/pseuds/porcupinegoldstein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky gets taken to Steve's apartment and starts remembering the past he lives with Steve for a while, just spending time with him and remembering things that they've been through. But then Bucky gets ill, he sleeps all day and is losing weight even though he's eating as much as he always does. He starts having coughing fits and goes to the hospital. TW: Terminal Illness and Cancer</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's All Coming Back To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings apply and the later chapters are a lot better than the earlier ones.

Bucky Barnes was at the Smithsonian Museum in a hood and hat, not wanting to be noticed, especially not his metal arm that was until he felt a hand on his back. He turned around coming face to face with the red haired girl who was working with Captain America, the very man he had been sent to kill, but not anymore. He was not a weapon. He was human.

"James, I'm here to take you somewhere that you can stay, somewhere that you'll be taken care of" she spoke softly not taking her eyes away from his. Bucky just nodded and allowed himself to be driven to an apartment block, the red head giving him some paper with a door number on, to tell him which apartment to go to. He got out of the car and walked into the apartment block, he soon found the apartment he was looking for and knocked on the door. The door opened and the familiar blond walked out, the very same man Bucky had been sent to kill. Before Bucky could say anything the other man flung his arms around him and rested his head on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky stood there for a few seconds before hugging the other man back.

"Come on Buck, I'll let you stay here for a while" Steve pulled away and led Bucky into his simple apartment.

"Take a seat Buck" Steve gestured to the couch in the middle of the room, Bucky sat down with Steve sitting down next to him.

"What do you remember?" Steve asked his friend.

"Parts, it's all a bit fuzzy" Bucky answered his gaze to the floor.

"Do you remember me?" Steve looked at his friend, he eyes full of hope and desperation.

"A little" Bucky nodded to himself.

"Well a little is better than not at all" Steve gave a small smile.

"I just don't remember who I am" Bucky shrugged.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, you're my best friend and we have always been there for each other through everything" Steve answered.

"So, why do you call me Bucky?" he shook his head.

"Nickname that sort of stuck with you" Steve smiled.

"Oh and you're Steve Rogers right?" Bucky looked at Steve and Steve nodded slowly.

"Yeah. I'm Steve Rogers" he answered.

"Okay, and we met…" Bucky started.

"School. You saved me from some bigger guy that was picking on me" Steve finished earning a nod from Bucky.

"I remember the train" Bucky spoke quietly.

"Oh. I'm sorry Bucky" Steve looked down.

"It wasn't your fault, you can't save everyone"

"But I should have saved you" Steve answered.

"No. If you reached any further then you would have fallen as well" Bucky told him.

"Bucky we're both as stubborn as each other we're never going to agree on if it was my fault or not" Steve rolled his eyes, earning a small smile from Bucky.

"I can remember you saving me from the HYDRA base as well, most people would have just left me but, not you" Bucky nudged Steve slightly.

"That's because I didn't want to leave you. I would have felt even more guilty than I do about the train. I almost got sent out of the army because of that" Steve shook his head slightly.

"Well, it's good that you didn't just leave me there" Bucky grinned.

"You seem to be remembering a lot. What else do you remember?" Steve asked.

"I remember that you used to be a tiny little guy that had asthma and lied on your enlistment forms, and would always bail on double dates that I arranged, also there was Coney Island" Bucky smiled with a small chuckle.

"Oh Coney Island, when I threw up on the Cyclone" Steve shook his head.

"I told you that you shouldn't have eaten that much before going on it" Bucky laughed.

"No you didn't, you told me that if I did eat that much then I would be okay" Steve laughed.

"Yeah but that was only because you wouldn't pay for my food" Bucky grinned laughing.

"You should have paid for yourself jerk"

"You had been a punk all week" Bucky rolled his eyes.

"Shut up" Steve rolled his eyes and nudged Bucky.

"I think being with you helps the memories" Bucky spoke, stopping the laughter.

"Good" Steve smiled.

"Yeah so can I stay here with you?" Bucky asked.

"Of course you can Bucky" Steve nodded.

"Thanks" Bucky smiled. "So, that red head girl…"

"No Bucky she is off-limits. She isn't the relationship type of girl" Steve argued.

"People can change" Bucky smirked.

"No. Besides, I think she has a thing for Clint" Steve answered earning a small frown from Bucky, making Steve to punch Bucky in the arm softly and Bucky giving a small grin in return.

"It's getting late Buck, I'll get you some of my old stuff to sleep in" Steve stood up going into the bedroom before returning a minute later tossing the clothes at Bucky.

"Spare room is in there" Steve pointed to one of the rooms with a smile. Bucky nodded and took the clothes into the spare room, changing into them and climbing into the bed. He closed his eyes, not being able to sleep for a while, in fact not being able to sleep at all. After a while Bucky got out of the bed and crept into Steve's room, getting into the bed and fitting into place. Cuddled up to Steve, curled into a ball. Steve felt the body heat against him and wrapped his arms around his friend.


	2. Haircut

Steve and Bucky sat next to each other at the kitchen table, each of them with a coffee in their hands. Bucky was looking down at his coffee, smiling at something Steve had just said, when he looked up.

"Hey, I remember something" he gave a smirk in Steve's direction.

"Yeah? Well, what else is there to remember you've got it all haven't you?" Steve asked.

"About you and what you thought fondue meant" Bucky laughed.

"Oh of course you remember that! In my defence Bucky, the way that Howard said it, you would have thought the same thing as I did" Steve defended himself.

"You still thought that fondue was sex" Bucky chuckled and shook his head running a hand through his hair, Steve smiled and looked at Bucky and his hair.

"Buck, I liked you better with short hair" Steve spoke softly.

"Yeah?" Bucky looked at his hair. "Me too, maybe I should cut it"

"I can do it if you want" Steve offered, standing up.

"Can you cut hair?" Bucky raised an eyebrow.

"How hard can it be?" Steve shrugged a little.

"Alright, then go for it" Bucky gave a small smile. "But, if you ruin my hair I'm gonna kill you"

"I wont ruin it Bucky" Steve shook his head and got a pair of scissors from one of the kitchen drawers, walking over to the back of Bucky and taking one strand of hair between his fingers. Bucky winced as Steve chopped some of the hair off, letting it fall to the floor.

"Just relax" Steve whispered.

"I think you need to relax buddy" Bucky chuckled and took a deep breath nodding.

"Shut up jerk" Steve cut more of the hair off, until he got it to a length that was how it looked in the forties, he gave a small nod and moved to stand in front of Bucky, starting on the fringe. Bucky closed his eyes and waited until Steve was done before opening one eye.

"How bad is it?" Bucky asked his friend.

"Hey, I think I did okay" Steve shook his head and patted Bucky's shoulder, earning a small smile from Bucky and went to get a broom to sweep up the hair that was on the floor.

When Steve came back to the kitchen, Bucky was gone. He narrowed his eyes a little but found Bucky in the bedroom checking the hair.

"You've done alright Steve" Bucky spoke when he heard footsteps.

"Thanks Buck, I'm gonna go clean the kitchen. You know sweep up the hair" he shrugged a little and went back to the kitchen, sweeping up the hair and putting it all in the bin, before putting the empty coffee mugs in the sink to be washed later.

"Bucky it's your turn to wash up tonight!" Steve called out to his friend.

"Not likely" Bucky called back, walking into the kitchen.

"And why not?" Steve raised an eyebrow slightly.

"Well, water irritates my metal arm" Bucky pouted, with his hand touching his metal arm.

"Liar, I've woken up to you singing in the shower" Steve chuckled.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Bucky grinned.

"Well, you're just a jerk" Steve answered.

"Punk" Bucky retorted and smirked.

"So, washing up. Now" Steve threw the rubber washing up gloves over to Bucky.

"Alright, you're lucky that I'm happy living here" Bucky pulled on the gloves and walked over to the sink, filling it with hot water to wash up the dishes from the night before, where they had not bothered to wash up and fell asleep on the couch, until Natasha found them and assumed that they were closer than 'just friends' but, that's what they were. 'Just Friends.' Bucky was most definitely straight and Steve wasn't the type of person who wanted a relationship anyway.

One Bucky was done, he threw the rubber gloves at Steve, getting Steve the tiniest bit wet in his hair.

"What was that for?" Steve looked to Bucky.

"Nothing, just felt like it" Bucky shrugged with a grin.

"That's it. You asked for it Barnes" Steve stood up and grabbed a glass from the cupboard filling it up with water, but when he turned to throw it at Bucky, his friend had already gone. He heard some movement in the bathroom and walked to the bathroom door, slowly pushing the door open when he was met with a jet of water from the shower. He responded by throwing the water in the glass over Bucky, who was working the shower head towards Steve, but Bucky didn't stop until Steve was soaked head to toe. He grinned and loosened his grip on the shower head, that was when Steve grabbed it and aimed it back at Bucky who tried to duck and escape but, Steve stood by the door, pulling the shower cord out as far as it could go, getting Bucky soaked to the bone.

"Alright, alright. I surrender" Bucky laughed, and felt the water stop as Steve turned the shower off and looked at the bathroom floor, that had water all over it.

"Bucky, you're cleaning this up" Steve chuckled.

"Nope" Bucky shook his head.

"You surrendered! You do it" Steve folded his arms across his chest.

"Can't we do it together?" Bucky gave his best pout.

"Alright" Steve rolled his eyes and walked out of the bathroom to get some towels from the cupboard next to the bathroom. He tossed a few at Bucky and had some of his own. Bucky smiled and placed the towels on the floor, to dry up the water. Steve doing the exact same.

"I missed you Steve" Bucky smiled over at his friend.

"Missed you too buddy" Steve smiled.


	3. Til The End of the Line

Bucky and Steve had been living together for a few months now. Bucky had remembered everything that there was to remember and Steve seemed a lot happier than he was before Bucky came back into his life, but Bucky was acting differently. He was sleeping a lot, losing weight a lot even if he was eating the normal amount of food that he normally ate and having coughing fits a lot of the time. He was hoping that Steve wouldn't notice that he had been acting differently.

Bucky was curled up in a ball on the couch asleep, when he woke himself up coughing. He sat up and hadn't noticed that Steve had come into the room and put a glass of water on the table next to the couch. Bucky looked up at Steve and waited until the cough stopped.

"Bucky, you need to see a doctor about that cough" Steve spoke.

"No, I don't want to see a doctor. I don't like doctors" Bucky shook his head, taking the water and taking a sip from the glass.

"Bucky. You've had it for a few weeks now and you keep sleeping all day" Steve sat down on the couch next to Bucky.

"Steve" Bucky groaned and ran a hand through his hair.

"No, you're going to see a doctor" Steve told his friend.

"Can I go tomorrow?" Bucky asked, standing up to go to his room.

"Sure, first thing tomorrow I'll take you to the doctors" Steve stood up as well.

Bucky nodded and headed towards his bedroom door but made a detour to the bathroom, feeling like he was going to be sick. He made it there and was sick in the toilet, feeling Steve behind him.

"Bucky. I think you should see a doctor now" Steve suggested, rubbing Bucky's back gently.

"Do I really have to?" Bucky asked wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Yes Bucky. Get your stuff and I'll drive you to a hospital" Steve told his friend, walking out of the bathroom, shoving on a jacket and pulling on his shoes. Bucky walked out of the bathroom and pulled on his shoes and jacket, following Steve out of the apartment and to a car.

The car journey was silent as Bucky rested his head against the window of the car and Steve gripped the steering wheel tightly. He was worried about Bucky and he knew that Bucky was too damn proud to admit that he was feeling bad and that he needed help. Bucky had never once asked for help since Steve knew him. It was always Bucky being the one that was there for Steve, never the other way around. So, Steve always wanted to be there for Bucky, help him through anything that happened to him and keep him safe. He knew that Bucky could be a stubborn asshole that didn't think anything bad could happen to him. Bucky had always been the strong one. The one who helped. Now it was like the tables had turned, Bucky was the one that needed help and Steve was the one that had to be strong. He had to be strong for Bucky, they were best friends. Always had been.

Once they got to the hospital, Bucky sat down in the waiting room while Steve went up to the front desk to tell them about Bucky needing to see a doctor. The receptionist handed over a clipboard and a pen so that Bucky could fill in all his personal details. Once they were all filled out, Steve took it back to the receptionist and was told that there would be a twenty minute wait for Bucky to go in. Steve came back to sit next to Bucky and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay Bucky?" Steve asked.

"I kind of lied on the papers" Bucky shrugged.

"What do you mean lied?" Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Just about the year that I was born, nothing too serious" Bucky answered.

"Oh, okay well that isn't so bad" he gave a small smile.

"It's going to be okay Steve, I'm probably fine" Bucky whispered, although he wasn't so sure himself.

"I know Buck. I know" Steve smiled a little.

They waited for the twenty minutes before Bucky's name was called out. The dark haired male stood up and walked into the doctors office, where he had scans done, blood taken and tested there and then and asked about the symptoms that he had. He waited anxiously on the seat, he knew that there was something wrong from the look on the doctor's face. Whatever it was, it was going to be hard for the doctor to tell Bucky what was wrong with him.

"Mr. Barnes, this might be hard to hear but, we ran the tests and they came back telling us that you have cancer. We're very sorry, there is treatment that you can take but, it involves spending a lot of time in the hospital and you may not survive" the doctor explained, as Bucky listened, his eyes growing full of confusion and sadness. He held back his tears and swallowed nodding.

"Oh. Right and do I need to tell my friend?" Bucky asked.

"It would be for the best, we'll book you in for an appointment to get treatment" the doctor told Bucky.

"Alright. Can I go?" Bucky asked standing up getting a nod from the doctor.

"Of course you can. Good luck" the doctor gave a small smile and showed Bucky out of the door. Bucky walked out of the small office and walked over to Steve.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Steve asked standing up, but then seeing the look on Bucky's face made him worried. "What is it Buck?" Steve asked, causing Bucky to break down crying and falling into Steve's arms. Steve rubbed Bucky's back gently.

"Steve. I- I" Bucky cried into Steve's shoulder, only causing Steve to worry more. "I'm really sick, like I have- I-I have cancer Steve" Bucky sobbed.

"What?" Steve's eyes went wide as he held Bucky close to him.

"I'm sorry Steve"

"It's okay. I'm here for you Bucky. Til the end of the line" Steve whispered.


	4. Scared to Death

Bucky had been having regular checkups and had been taking regular treatment almost every day. He hated it, but Steve always insisted that he go to get his treatment and get check ups. Normally Steve drove him there but, over the past month Bucky had insisted that he just take the bus to the hospital, not wanting to waste Steve's gas in his car, but whenever Bucky took the bus, he didn't go to the hospital. He only went once when he told them he didn't want to respond to anymore treatment, he just wanted to live a normal life and not have to go the hospital nearly every day.

He was at home just lying down on the couch, he was awake but, he was tired but, kept himself awake so that Steve wouldn't notice that Bucky needed sleep. That's when he started coughing again and just couldn't stop this time, Steve ran into the room coming over to his friend.

"Buck? Are you okay?" Steve asked in desperation, his hand on Bucky's back.

"Can't breathe" Bucky choked, still coughing, Steve didn't think twice and grabbed the phone calling an ambulance and telling them what was wrong.

The ambulance came quickly and they took Bucky into the back on the ambulance, putting a breathing mask over his face. Steve got into the back with Bucky and waited in silence for the whole journey there. It was longer than the time that he took Bucky to the hospital for the first time. He was worried about his friend, and he didn't want to lose him. That was the last thing that he wanted.

"Come on Buck, stay with me. You're going to be okay" Steve whispered as the ambulance pulled into the hospital car park. They took Bucky out of the ambulance and rushed him into the hospital, telling Steve to wait in the waiting room. Steve waited for what felt like hours, he was at the edge of his seat with a bottle of water on the table in front of him, his foot was tapping against the hard floor and he kept looking over to the clock, just waiting for the doctors to come out and tell him what was wrong. If Bucky was going to be okay and if he was going to survive.

A doctor eventually came out and walked over to Steve.

"Mr. Rogers?"

"Yeah, that's me" Steve stood up, and took a deep breath. This was it.

"Your friend is okay, we've hooked him up to an oxygen tank and he's getting his breath back slowly. He should be fine and then in a few hours, but because he hasn't been taking any treatment for the last month he hasn't been responding to any treatment, he's stopped taking it-" the doctor started.

"What?" Steve's eyes widened when he heard that Bucky hadn't been responding to any treatment.

"Mr. Rogers. Your friend only has a short amount of time left to live" the doctor spoke. "I'm sorry, even if he did start taking the treatment again, there is no way that he will get so better that he'll manage to see next year"

"Can I see him?" Steve asked.

"No. Only immediate family can see him right now"

"He doesn't have any. I'm all he has, his parents died years ago when he was just a kid and he doesn't have any brothers or sisters" Steve almost begged.

"Alright, you can see him" the doctor nodded, leading Steve through and to the side of Bucky's bed. Steve sat down and watched Bucky sleeping, his chest rising and falling slowly, there were tubes all around him, with nubbins around his face, going into his nose. Steve didn't want to wake him up, he just sat there, looking down to the floor with tears stinging his eyes.

When Bucky did eventually wake up, he looked over at Steve and raised an eyebrow.

"You been crying Steve?" he asked in a croaky voice.

"Of course I've been crying, you're hooked to a damn oxygen machine and you didn't tell me that you hadn't been responding to treatment for a month" Steve argued.

"Oh. They told you about that huh?" Bucky raised an eyebrow.

"Of course they told me, you only have a month left to live Buck" Steve sobbed, the tears falling from his eyes and down his face.

"A month?" Bucky bit his lip and looked at Steve's face.

"Are you scared?" Steve asked softly.

"To death" Bucky answered, trying to make a joke but, saw that Steve wasn't laughing.

"That wasn't funny Bucky" Steve shook his head, and put his head in his hands. Bucky shook his head and bit his lip trying to be strong. He couldn't cry in front of Steve, he had never cried in front of Steve. Bucky was strong. Bucky didn't cry at anything.

"I'm scared of not being with you" Bucky choked out, letting the tears fall from his eyes. Steve stood up and clambered onto the hospital bed, curling up to Bucky. His arm wrapped around his friends chest and shook his head softly.

"It's gonna be okay Buck, I'm never going to leave you. I promise" Steve whispered, Bucky nodded not saying anything and just closing his eyes, falling asleep again.


	5. Slipping Through My Fingers

"Come on Buck, I'm taking you out for the day" Steve spoke as he walked into the hospital room where Bucky's bed was. Bucky opened his eyes and looked up at Steve.  
"Where are you taking me?" Bucky asked croakily, like he had just woken up.

"The beach, I know how much we used to like going there as kids" Steve answered.

"Well, I don't have any clothes to go to the beach" Bucky told his friend.

"I have clothes for you" Steve held his hand out for Bucky and helped him out of the hospital bed, carrying the oxygen tank for him.

After Bucky had gotten dressed and Steve got him into the car, they headed to the beach. It was the last day that Steve was going to be able to take him out, Bucky had to stay in hospital everyday after that. So, Steve wanted Bucky's last day outside to be spent happily. He drove Bucky to the beach and got out of the car, going around to the passenger side and opening the door to Bucky. The brunette stepped out of the car, carrying his oxygen tank and walking down to the beach with Steve. They walked along the beach together talking and laughing, before finally sitting down side by side. The only sound that could be heard, was the waves crashing onto the hot, blanket of sand that surrounded them.

"I've enjoyed today Steve" Bucky spoke softly.

"It's not over yet Buck, we still have some time left. We're going to watch the sunset and then I'm going to take you back" Steve nudged Bucky softly. "And then I'll come and visit everyday" he promised. "I'm not going to go a day without seeing you" he gave a soft smile.

"Thanks, I'm happy to know that you're going to always be here for me" he nodded to himself.

"Course I am. I'm with you til the end of the line remember?" Steve smiled at Bucky and let out a content sigh, as the sun began to set on the two friends.

"I know you are and I'm with you til the end of the line as well Steve, I'll always be with you, even if you can't see me then I'll be with you. Forever" Bucky whispered. Steve nodded and wrapped an arm around Bucky, it might be the last time he can be so close to his friend and he wanted to keep the moment special. Hold it in his heart forever, because Bucky was worth it and Bucky didn't deserve to die. It was unfair. The world was unfair. Steve didn't want to lose Bucky again. He couldn't lose Bucky again, but it was too late. If only he had noticed the signs before, maybe there could have been a way to help Bucky, but no. Steve didn't notice until it was too damn late.

"Steve. I want you to know that this isn't your fault" Bucky whispered.

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" Steve sobbed.

"Because, you're too stubborn to give up on me" Bucky answered, a tear in his eye.

"And you're too stubborn to give up on yourself"

"I know" Bucky nodded, letting the tear fall down his cheek and fall to the sand, he shivered and Steve stood up, holding his hand out for Bucky to take.

"Come on, I'm taking you back to the hospital" Steve gestured for Bucky to get up, pulling his friend to his feet, out of the sand. Bucky carried his oxygen tank as he followed Steve back to the car.

It was a short ride to the hospital and they got Bucky back into his hospital bed fast, Steve sat down next to Bucky's bed. The visiting hours were about to end and he just wanted to make sure that Bucky was safe. Bucky fell asleep quickly and Steve stayed with him until he was asked to leave.

"Bye Buck" he whispered, letting a tear fall from his eyes as he walked away from the hospital room and walked out to his car, only to burst into a flood of tears, but this time he had nobody to cry to. He had nobody that he could turn to. He had no Bucky.


	6. Giving Up On You

Bucky had been asleep for most days after that. There was one day where he was awake though, he was sat up in the hospital bed eating a bowl of sloppy hospital soup that just tasted of nothing. Steve walked into the hospital room and sat next to Bucky's bed, as Bucky put the empty bowl to the table beside his bed and looked over at his friend.

"Hey" Bucky let out in a croaky voice, over the past few days he had lost his voice a little and couldn't really speak as well as he used to.

"Hey Buck" Steve gave a small smile. "How are you feeling today?" he asked softly, like he was some sort of counsellor.

"I'm okay" Bucky gave a small shrug. "I've been eating a lot more lately and I feel good today" Bucky nodded to himself and gave a slight smile.

"Well good, you do look a little better" Steve smiled, but that could just be a whole act that Bucky was putting on so that Steve wouldn't worry about him.

"How long are you staying for today?" Bucky asked his friend with a slight raise of an eyebrow.

"For as long as I can, I'm never going to leave your side Bucky" Steve spoke softly.

"What about when you need to use the bathroom or get a drink?"

"Well, of course I'm going to leave for a while for things like that" Steve rolled his eyes.

"Punk"

"Jerk" Steve looked Bucky over, all the tubes and machines that he was wired up to saddened Steve a little, knowing that even with all this help that Bucky wasn't going to live. He was just going to slip away from Steve, and Steve might not even be there when it happens and that killed Steve inside.

"Hey Steve, when I'm gone-" Bucky started.

"Don't" Steve interrupted. "Don't you dare speak like that Bucky, I don't want you thinking about that, it'll only upset you" he shook his head at his friend.

"No. I have to ask. When I'm gone, what are you going to say about me at my funeral?" Bucky asked softly, his eyes looking into Steve's.

"Well, there's a lot that I would say. I'm not sure where I could even start Buck" Steve shook his head. "I can't do it Bucky, I can't talk about you like you're dead when you're right here with me now" Steve sniffled. "I don't want to have a reminder that I'm going to lose you soon Buck"

"Well, if you don't want to be reminded then you shouldn't come here everyday just to visit me when most of what I do is sleep" Bucky gave a small sigh and shook his head.  
"I know Bucky, but I'm not going to give up on you. Never" Steve assured his friend.

"I know that you wont, and that's why you're my best friend. You've always been there for me when I needed you most, you were never selfish, you didn't ask for help when I helped you" Bucky spoke softly and Steve nodded slowly with a small smile.

"I'm going to go and get a coffee" Steve spoke and stood up. "I'll be back soon"

"Okay" Bucky looked up at his friend with a small yawn, as his head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes as Steve walked away, drifting off into the last dream that he would ever have.

When Steve came back he saw that Bucky was asleep and gave a small smile, sitting down on the chair beside Bucky's bed.

"Buck?" Steve spoke softly and shook his friend lightly, that had always woken him up even in the past few days, but this time it wasn't working. Bucky was still breathing. Sure it was slow, his chest rising and falling so slowly that it was hard to see.

"Bucky?" Steve shook his friend a little harder, but Bucky still didn't wake, he would never open his eyes ever again and Steve had no idea about it. Steve never got to say goodbye to his friend. The last thing that Steve had said to Bucky was 'I'll be back soon' those were not the words that Steve wanted Bucky to hear the last time was going to say to him, the last words that Steve had wanted to say to Bucky were at least 'Goodbye' and now he never would. Not with Bucky knowing anyway. All of the happiness, hope and loyalty in Bucky's blue eyes were lost, just like Steve's hope.

"Come on Bucky. Just say something" Steve begged. "Say something, say anything. Please." Steve let his tears fall from his eyes and onto the pale blue hospital bed that Bucky was lying on as he took his last few breaths. Steve could feel Bucky slipping away from him, just like sugar falling through a sieve. Steve was the only person who knew Bucky properly. He was the only person that knew James Buchanan Barnes. His best friend. No. His brother. Bucky had been like family to Steve and Steve never wanted to give up on him. Family meant something to Steve. Family was more than being friends. Steve loved Bucky like he was his brother, and now he had to let Bucky go and this time Bucky wouldn't come back. He couldn't come back this time. He would be gone for good and Steve couldn't accept that fact. He didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want to give up. Nothing in the world could replace Bucky. Nothing. No other person could love Steve the way that Bucky did. Nobody could make Steve laugh the way that Bucky did. Bucky was everything to Steve, and it was hard to give him up. He was the one that was there for Steve when Steve's mom died, he let Steve stay with him and he didn't even ask Steve to pay rent. Bucky just let Steve stay with him out of the kindness of his heart. That was why nobody would be able to replace Bucky and Steve would let Bucky's memory live on forever. He ever wanted to forget Bucky, because he knew that Bucky would do the exact same thing.


	7. Never Forget

Bucky died that night. He passed away peacefully as he slept. Steve found out when he came to the hospital the day after he had left him sleeping. When he walked into the hospital room, the bed was empty. It was raining and a part of him was empty too. His whole world came crashing down at once.

A week later was Bucky's funeral. Not many people showed up. Most people were just there to support Steve like the whole team of Avengers and of course Sam and Pepper as well. They all wanted to make sure Steve was happy. Before the funeral started, Steve walked down the Church aisle where Bucky's coffin lay and he looked down at his friend, who just looked like he was sleeping. He was wearing a dark blue suit, with a white shirt and tie. Steve gave a small sigh and walked away, he couldn't look at Bucky, not when he knew that Bucky couldn't look back at him. It wasn't long before the funeral started at the priest said a few words that were normally said at funerals and how Bucky was in a better place and he would be watching over all of them.

"And now we have Steve Rogers with a few words to say about Bucky" he nodded towards Steve and everyone watched as Steve made his way up to the pulpit to speak about his friend.

"Bucky. What can I say about him? He was my best friend for years, he was always there for me and I always there for him, even when I didn't ask for him to be there he was. Whenever I was in trouble I could turn to Bucky and whenever I was lonely I just had to find Bucky and I wasn't lonely anymore. Bucky brought me hope more than anyone has ever done before, he made everyday worth living, and if I had to spend a day away from Bucky I always looked forward to seeing him again. When my mom died and I didn't have my dad either, Bucky was there to take care of me. He let me stay with him, I didn't have to pay rent and he didn't keep bothering me about if I was alright, he just tried not to speak about it and if I wanted to talk about it then he would be right there to help me through everything" Steve bit his lip to hold back tears, but he wasn't finished yet. "Nobody knew Bucky like I knew Bucky. I knew everything about him. I knew every secret that Bucky had and he was always so open with me and he wasn't like that with anyone else. He was the best person that I knew and I am so lucky to have known Bucky Barnes. Nobody else knows him. James Buchanan Barnes was my only friend when I was a kid and I am so thankful to have met him because I don't think that my life would have been as good as it is now, Bucky taught me so much. He always looked out for the little guy and never ever gave up on me, even if the task was getting me to go on a double date which I would always bail on, but Bucky never got annoyed with me, if I said that I wanted to leave then he would let me leave. I always told him that he took the stupid everywhere that he went with him, but to be honest Bucky wasn't too smart during school, but with a little push I managed to help him get the grades that he needed and we can't forget that he had a whole lot of common sense. What I really want to say is that now you all truly know that there was a man called Bucky Barnes and that he saved me in more ways than one. He was more than a best friend. He was my brother and I'm going to miss him so much" Steve sobbed, letting the tears fall, he couldn't go on so Natasha stood up and steered him back to his seat as the song 'The Luckiest' by Ben Folds started playing and Bucky's coffin was carried down the aisle to the funeral car with everyone in their suits and suit dresses following behind, getting into their own cars and following the funeral car to the graveyard that Steve had picked out for Bucky to be put in. It was underneath an willow tree, just like the one that Steve and Bucky used to go to when they were kids and they wanted to relax. Somewhere peaceful. Just for Bucky. He would like it.

Everyone watched as the coffin was lowered into the hole that had been dug, Natasha and Sam stayed with Steve until the hole was filled in. Steve knelt down next to the grave and let his tears fall and land on the soft dirt.

"I'm sorry Bucky. I should have said goodbye properly, it breaks my heart to know that I'll never get to hear your voice again, I'm never going to feel your skin against mine again. We were a family and we were just getting back on our feet, we had just gotten you settled" he sobbed. "Goodbye Bucky. I'll always love you"


End file.
